i have to say this....i will always feel...feel love...feel hate...feel anger... Doesn't matter...but the most i will feel when i say goodbye. I have to say it but it doesn't mean i like it...and now i even write about it...Cause i'm sick of holding it inside anymore. And this is the perfect place to tell what it's inside me. That part i will always hate, that part that will never allow me to say bye-bye with a smile on my face. How the fuck can i do that?
And i should maybe get used to beeing apart. In time they say people get use to everything. But i refuse to get use. The love i feel the need i have to be in his arms will never let me to have a smile in that moment. And it fucking hurts. Like someone thinks i'm stardust and tries to tear my heart out of my chest. Even simple things like the light of the sun on his skin make me think and ask myself: "will i ever be able to see it again?" and tears just float uncontrolled in a rythm i hate.
But than agaon we are ment to feel pain and love in the same time. We all carry our own cross one way or the other. Some have an easier one some have a fucking haveay one. Mine is middle...i think...Or maybe heavey. I lie to myself if i say is middle. Is fucking heavey. I feel i always have to fight destiny and that is a think not many people need to do. It's like swimming against the powerfull current of a river.
But i know i will always feel... Even if sometimes i say i want to have an ice-heart it's not that easy. Not when i see his blue eyes swiming in tears,not when i feel his hand around me, or his morning breathe moving easy my hair. No! I will not stop feeling the love i feel for him no matter what. Even if in this life i won't have anything else i know i will have him one way or the other.
And the fuckinh new technology,it better move faster cause it's not helping me feel him next to me, feel his sking all around me or his hot kisses on my lips. They better make some time machine,else... i don't know. Else i have to do my best to be next to him as fast as light goes in water.
And now i think that;s i'm back to that moment where i know i have to say good-bye to him. And i hate that feeing. is like i count the seconds till i won't be able to breathe anymore. Till i won't be free and happy and it's like i have a sentence in my head after a long trial.
I need to feel and i need to be next to him for as long as i was ment to live on this planet...
And i will feel him always close to me,kissing and hugging me, looking and me with the nicest eyes i have ever seen... that look i can't forget and i fall asleep with it in my mind.
I have to say bye-bye my love! again.... which i don't want to... i have to let his hand go which i don't want to... and there comes my question: why do i have to do things i don't like?
just to keep me busy?
no answer............
P.S. I will always feel you!!!
