Afraid?

I am not afraid of death. As tragical as it might be for me. For some unexplained reason i do think this. I am not afraid of it as i am not afraid of my own shadow. But than who am i to think this? I don't know how am i gonna die.Even if it will be an unexplained accident or some normal disease or heart attack. After all...who cares if i die? Some say that if at your funeral come to see you more than 3 friends than you were a lucky person. And i feel like it's true. Even when someone dies we all tend to mind our own business. It's just something normal. It's part of our life. We all die one way or the other. But sometimes i feel the need more than normal. The need to die. And i want my soul to be among humans for the next 3 days. Just to see who will be there. Who will truly cry or who will say "There it goes!One of my best friends died!" And for some reason i am sure it won't happen. Cause we all tend not to care that much. We all follow our daily routine,our life is sad anyway and we don't want to make it even worse. And after all that only family cares about you and they will only care for a while. But we all forget things. And our pitiful life goes on with or without people we care around us. They will all forget about me at one point. They will continue to work,to earn money for their existence, they will all fill the gap i left behind with other things,they will smile and laugh,talk and make friends,forget when my birthday was,remember that on 25th march something was there,but in time forget even that, forget the alley where my grave is,and even the cemetery where they can see a picture of mine on my own cross, family will die and the place will be covered in grass.My skin and clothes will become dust and they will unite with the same soil that made us humans in the Bible. Only my bones will stay behind as a sign of my humble existence on this planet. It sounds hard,but it is true. And we can't change it.We have to admit that at least once in our life we all want to die than. In that particular moment and leave all our problems behind, and hopefully go in that place that we all call Heaven. That can't be. According to other cultures we are meant to come back on this planet,and follow another life. If that is true than i want to be a honey bee. They live for not more than one month.A short but intense life in which they grow,they work,they reproduce, they work for their society and they die. They don't need luxury things, high education, someone to love,or a family to care. They are borne they have a certain purpose,they follow a short way and they die. That's easy from the point of view of a human. We have to do so many things,and face so many hard moments...And we never die when we want it. Life usually has more for us. And it's not that i see only the bad part in life. But i really imagine that. A short life with no regrets. Afraid? I am not afraid of death. I want it and somehow i want to see what happens after.I want to see how someone is borne because i created space. Cause to die means nothing more than making space. Each time a star falls another one rises...