a movie to watch...

Da a aparut! In data de 18 decembrie 2009 incredibilul film SF "Avatar". Astazi am avut deosebita placere sa-l urmaresc intr-un cinematograf 3D. Da...durerea de ochi pe care o simti in timpul filmului e destul de persistenta insa credeti-ma merita mai mult decat ati putea crede. Am decis sa-i dedic o pagina din blogul meu pentru ca si acest film ca multe altele de altfel in ultima vreme trateaza problema planetei noastre ca fiind una ostila,o lume pe care tot noi oamenii am distrus-o. Filmul prezinta de fapt doua lumi paralele. A noastra a oamenilor,care desi si-au distrus propria planeta nu se multumesc si incep cucerirea unei altei lumi. O lume care le confera posibilitatea de a extrage un minereu de o valoare inestimabila pe Pamant. In batalie intra de fapt 3 genuri de fiinte: armata condusa din umbra de interesele unui magnat cu dorinte ucigatoare de a se imbogati si de un orgoliu care ar calca orice in cale, pe de alta parte lumea oamenilor de stiinta care se straduiesc din raspunteri sa stabileasca o legatura intre civilizatia umana si o alta civilizatia a noii planete si nu in ultimul rand o civilizatie salbatica,ramasa la nivelul luptei cu sageti si a satisfacerii nevoilor principale,insa cu un simt dezvoltat pentru a proteja natura,bunastarea fiecaruia, cu legi proprii, cu o minte deschisa si de o inteligenta desavarsita. Un soi de fiinte care sunt de doua ori mai mare decat un om normal,insa care sunt bune la suflet si comnica cu cei dinaintea lor printr-un copac al vietii. Un copac legat de fiecare dintre ei si mai ales de ceea ce inseamna sa inveti din trecut. Lucru pe care se pare ca noi sau mai bine zis rasa umana nu-l facem si poate ca nu-l vom face vreodata. In definitiv Aristotel avea dreptate:"Invatam din istorie ca oamenii nu invata nimic din istorie." Poveste este aventuroasa,efectele speciale fiind din abundenta. In sistem 3D se vad chiar mai bine si senzatia ca te aflii chiar in mijlocul povestii este reala. De multe ori simti nevoia sa intainzi mana si sa atingi si tu una din plantele care ti se ivesc in fata,sau una din fiintele fantastice pe care le vezi. La inceput o poveste frumoasa de iubire intre doi avatari, ajunge in punctul culminant in care oamenii si civilizatia lor vor sa invadeze lumea noua. Lupta dusa este dura de ambele parti fiind pierderi,insa finalul este impresionant. Filmul a aparut si in Romania in cinematografe inca de pe 18 decembrie. Merita vazut chiar daca nu este in 3D.

d'ale iernii...

Mdah...!N-as putea spune ca urasc iarna. Nici pe departe. Insa,nu stiu de ce dar iarna asta nu anunta din punctul meu de vedere niciun soi de incalzire globala sau ce mai prevad oamenii de stiinta.
E frig frate! E un frig crunt si cum de parca n-ar fi de ajuns mai si ninge cu galeata. Si ninge bine. Daca la sosirea lui decembrie nimeni nu procnoza vreo zapada de Craciun,sau daca nimeni nu mai indraznea nici macar sa viseze la vreun fulg de nea,dupa dezamagirea de anul trecut, iata ca anul asta am sarit asa dintr-o data in cod galben de avetizare meteo. Si nu 2-3 judete asa, ci toata tara!! De la un capat la altul al ei,mai putin prin vest.
S-au anuntat asa brusc si zapezi si vant si viscol si troiene si masini intepenite si soferi neatenti si cu mintea cat un purice care pleaca de acasa desi se anunta cod galben si tot tacamul.
Si in tota nebunia asta nimeni nu face aproape nimic. Mai nimic. Tata,daca e viscol ce sa mai iesim noi sa dam cu sare si cu alte subsatnte de natura a dizolva zapada?
Mentalitatea romanului. Si in cateva ore de la inceperea nebuniei,la urgente e cal la fabrica de paine calda din colt de strata: COADA.
Stau toti la rand si asteapta sa li se imbrace in ghips vreun membru dislocat. Dar in acelasi timp edilii se intrunesc in sedinte video la Guvern, tot in acelasi timp Zapada cade in continuare si de fpat nimic nu se face. Si dupa primul val de ninsori care in Craiova au adus circa 20 cm de zapada, strazile sunt troienite,trotoarele impracticabile, efecitv singura solutie a pietonilor fiind sa foloseasca partea carosabila.
Proasta solutie! De ce? Simplu,pentru ca nici aia nu e curatata de nicio culoare. Sunt cateva artere unde s-a mai bagat cate un plug,insa zapada e zapada si parca nici nu se cunoaste.
Deja se formeaza poduri de gheata, deja lumea nu mai stie pe unde sa mai mearga.
IN acest moment nu ma mai aflu in tara. Si ma uit in locul in care sunt si ma intreb: Astia cum or face frate? cum reusesc sa nu aiba ambuteiaje,cum reusesc sa linga efectiv zapada de pe carosabil,cum reusesc sa curete in timp util si mai ales cum reusesc sa lupte cu viscolul?
Da astazi si aici viscoleste. Si? Masinile circula,autobuzele mai ales au un drum ca-n palma si nimeni nu e nervos si nimeni nu e suparat si nimeni nu plange sau nu ramane inzapezit intr-un loc unde se agata harta-n cui....
INsa la noi parca nu simtim iarna daca nu raman unii blocati pe undeva si nu vine un elicopter particular sa-i scoata de acolo,nu-i iarna pana nu vedem cateva tiruri care pleaca la drum fara lanturi, nu-i iarna daca nu e nebunie. Ca asa e la noi...
O poveste fascinanta pentru adormit copiii cu d'ale iernii in prim plan si povesti autentic romanesti de iarna!

in time...

when we are loosing things in life,things we thought we were ready to loose,we actually feel incredibly bad and can't cooperate with anything...In my life,no matter how hard it is i try my best to accomplish everything possible.And sometimes i succeed,bust sometimes i loose. And when that happens, i feel like the whole walls of a room crush over me. And they don't let me breathe. I need air. I need enough force to go on in life,enough will to start all over again. And in a few months i will do that. I will restart my life from zero. I will be part of a world where no one knows me,where i have to make something out of me,and never try a hat larger than my head. When we all decide to follow multiple tasks, at least one of them we will fail. It is maybe a law of nature.Or maybe just a thing we cannot do. I tried that many times,and in every case the Law of Alchemy applied: Whenever you gain something of important value,you also loose something of the same value. And it is true no matter if we want to see it or not. And it can also go the other way around. Bust in most cases it applies as it is... I hope i will learn form my own mistakes in time. I hope i will get that i have to concentrate on one single thing and stay focused till the very end. But in the same time do it good. With no regrets,no complaining, without any other thing to interfere. I did that. I had multiple things to do in the same time. And it happened. I had to give up on one. I had in plan to,but finally i was being forced to. What can i do?Not much! But just learn from my all mistakes...each and every one of them. They will all help me build a better Me. Why with capital M?Because me should be a project of my life. Taking care of my own knowledge, of my own projects,of my own life,and not care one bit about the rest. As i see around me,the ones who can do that,and feel no remorse are actually doing better in life than people like me who care. I wish i had that strength, to crush everything in front of me,to build my own way in life and last but not the least, never care. I don't think i want to be that ice-heart,but i wish i had more power and more will...In time i will gain those ones too!

play with someone's life

Didn't think i will feel that in my life but it seems it's my turn too. I feel i was played and lied in the last one year and a few months... Lie is one thing i definitely hate in my life,and as much as i try to run of it, i face it even more. With an innocent face saying an easy "I love you!". How can that be? When the actual feeling is dislike. I find day by day another description of me,another face of me which i didn't know i have. But humans are meant to learn til the very end. And i think i will always have something to learn. Learn how to act,how to be brave,how to say what i want,how to be independent and eventually trust no one but myself. In this life we all fight for our own reasons and purposes,and it rarely happens that those are the same with the person next to you. Really rarely. Since we are all different,it is only normal that even what we want is different. Hmmm....what i want?I think i forgot that answer myself. When i was young was easy to answer: sweets and toys to play. Older i became harder my answer got. Nowadays i have no idea. And i cannot pretend there is nothing that i want. Finally i think i am as normal as everyone around me. I want a good job,a nice car and a nice house. or i should be like that... Eventually i am not. I feel i think different. I just want that nice peace we all need at one point in life. But for me is now. I need a moment to rest alone,to make my mind clear,to open my eyes good and decide which way i should get in this life. it won't be an easy choice. Since i am lied all the time,and since i cannot see the bad from good i cannot pretend i will really make the perfect choice. I can only promise myself no matter what will come i will do my damn best. At least that i can do. And for all those who will be part of my life,i will do my best too. And i hope they will accept me with all that i have:good and bad,happy and sad, normal and strange,healthy or sick. And i won't play with anyone's life. That is the last thing i will do. I don't even know how. I never did it. Maybe i'm too used to be honest. That might be the most important defect i have. But i cannot change such a thing. it is me. The way i was educated,the way life was shown to me. Is better to be honest than to talk people by behind. And my life has just begun. From now on i will face all that there is outside my family protection. I hope with all the knowledge i have,and what i will gain in life i will leave something behind me. Something that people might talk about over years. Or maybe just a simple family that will remember good things of me... After all this is what we all leave behind...Human beings!

new one

fit?

I always felt i never fit. No matter where i am. In my family,among people i know,in school,everywhere. I traveled already in many foreign countries trying to see if there i also fit. But wherever i go i still feel people looking at me like i'm a "gaijin" (jap.stranger). An outsider who's there to threaten them or to make their own life harder. And i am a burden to everyone.Tough i don't feel i ask for too much,but is just one thing i was used for 21 years. That everyone comments over the way i look, or what i wear,or how i act. But in fact i just try to find my own place. I always felt different from my family, i always had another view over life and world. It's true that most of my education comes from my mother,but one can have his own mentality. And i do have it. A bit philosophical, that kind of view you get by reading and understanding other people. I just want a place to fit.Even searching for one will take me my whole life. And in fact the best i feel alone. I really see myself buying an old house at the edge of the Northern Sea Coast,to have a full view over a desperate sea,as desperate as my soul is, but with the only purpose of calming my mind. I see myself ending my life alone,reading and writing a book i will never finish. The book of my life in which i leave to humanity advices about how to live a life alone.That would be great for me. For many years i thought i like to have a group of friends,i tried to make one, to build a life like everyone has,but in fact i'm the silent type. I learned that i can get people bored around me so many times i try not to talk that much. Even if i'm good at communicating, i fail in trusting and listening to people good. And many times i end by giving a particular color to what people say. I end by creating my own ideas and giving them the dark shade i often find in my mind.And people usually don't like it. But i can't help it.That's just my own little inside world. I really see that. Me,myself and I at the edge of a high cliff, loosing myself in the large landscape in front of my eyes. A place where i live alone,where i don't bother anyone,where i eat what i can and wear what i have,have as unique friend a cute fluffy dog and a black cat, a place where i won't have an argument,where people will forget i live and no one will come to see if i am still alive or i used the cliff to get rid of everything...So,fit?Where? ...Nowhere...

Afraid?

I am not afraid of death. As tragical as it might be for me. For some unexplained reason i do think this. I am not afraid of it as i am not afraid of my own shadow. But than who am i to think this? I don't know how am i gonna die.Even if it will be an unexplained accident or some normal disease or heart attack. After all...who cares if i die? Some say that if at your funeral come to see you more than 3 friends than you were a lucky person. And i feel like it's true. Even when someone dies we all tend to mind our own business. It's just something normal. It's part of our life. We all die one way or the other. But sometimes i feel the need more than normal. The need to die. And i want my soul to be among humans for the next 3 days. Just to see who will be there. Who will truly cry or who will say "There it goes!One of my best friends died!" And for some reason i am sure it won't happen. Cause we all tend not to care that much. We all follow our daily routine,our life is sad anyway and we don't want to make it even worse. And after all that only family cares about you and they will only care for a while. But we all forget things. And our pitiful life goes on with or without people we care around us. They will all forget about me at one point. They will continue to work,to earn money for their existence, they will all fill the gap i left behind with other things,they will smile and laugh,talk and make friends,forget when my birthday was,remember that on 25th march something was there,but in time forget even that, forget the alley where my grave is,and even the cemetery where they can see a picture of mine on my own cross, family will die and the place will be covered in grass.My skin and clothes will become dust and they will unite with the same soil that made us humans in the Bible. Only my bones will stay behind as a sign of my humble existence on this planet. It sounds hard,but it is true. And we can't change it.We have to admit that at least once in our life we all want to die than. In that particular moment and leave all our problems behind, and hopefully go in that place that we all call Heaven. That can't be. According to other cultures we are meant to come back on this planet,and follow another life. If that is true than i want to be a honey bee. They live for not more than one month.A short but intense life in which they grow,they work,they reproduce, they work for their society and they die. They don't need luxury things, high education, someone to love,or a family to care. They are borne they have a certain purpose,they follow a short way and they die. That's easy from the point of view of a human. We have to do so many things,and face so many hard moments...And we never die when we want it. Life usually has more for us. And it's not that i see only the bad part in life. But i really imagine that. A short life with no regrets. Afraid? I am not afraid of death. I want it and somehow i want to see what happens after.I want to see how someone is borne because i created space. Cause to die means nothing more than making space. Each time a star falls another one rises...

subway...

It's for sure that life is like a subway...We need to get from point A to point B.Like a subway we do that without asking questions. Without thinking why we do it and if it will help us in our life somehow. We live our lives on the surface of the ground but we act like we are underground. We don't look around anymore,and if we do there is nothing much to see.Sad people,in a hurry to earn some money,fighting on a stupid subject, giving orders.
We forgot how to have fun. And when we do it,we tent to not care about the one next to us. Each of us has a certain amount of liberty,until it touches the one next to us. But we forget about the responsibility most of the time.We all know our rights but we forget our duties.
The subway we are is slow or fast, slim or fat, colored or not, happy or sad, more or less moral, but in fact we all come from the same source. Our parents,our education,society. We each have multiple stops and we rarely intersect with the others. The stations are crowded or not, there are friends next to us or not, or people who have the same ideas.
But in the end we all tend to be alone. We are all as selfish as the one next to us, and we all care only about our own happiness and we are able to do unimaginable things to achieve our purposes.
On my subway it says direction unknown. I don't know where i come from,which was my point A and neither where i go,where is my point B. If i feel the need i stop,else i go. The only fuel i need is the love of the people i have around me. Love,appreciation,trust,care, attention and most of all unity.
I barely feel all those,and when it happens i speed up. The level of my fuel is high and i can accomplish many things. But then,there are moments when i lack something or everything, and than the tunnel where i run crushes in front of me and i struggle to find an exit.
Lines appear from nowhere targeting my self trust and my self confidence but i try my best to keep my original way. As hard as it is, with enough changing of direction but i still try to stay on my track. And if i did it till now,from mow on it won't be that hard anymore. I grew up,i added more wagons behind me, with more life experience,more stops where i added people in my life. Some of them went off in time, and all i carry now are just a few friends some of them forgot me,but if i talk to them they will talk back with their usual smile on their face.
One person i feel i didn't choose right.Time will tell me if i did a good thing or not. My sub is opened for everyone that wants to get in,to settle in my heart and in my mind. there are enough seats and in life i think i will get even more.
The experiences i gained help me to choose the right turn,to think before i act and to be able to give advices to friends i see. And even to other subs that just pass before me and by mistake we intersect.
I do feel like a subway in my life with no exact end and no exact stops...

i will always feel...

i have to say this....i will always feel...feel love...feel hate...feel anger... Doesn't matter...but the most i will feel when i say goodbye. I have to say it but it doesn't mean i like it...and now i even write about it...Cause i'm sick of holding it inside anymore. And this is the perfect place to tell what it's inside me. That part i will always hate, that part that will never allow me to say bye-bye with a smile on my face. How the fuck can i do that?
And i should maybe get used to beeing apart. In time they say people get use to everything. But i refuse to get use. The love i feel the need i have to be in his arms will never let me to have a smile in that moment. And it fucking hurts. Like someone thinks i'm stardust and tries to tear my heart out of my chest. Even simple things like the light of the sun on his skin make me think and ask myself: "will i ever be able to see it again?" and tears just float uncontrolled in a rythm i hate.
But than agaon we are ment to feel pain and love in the same time. We all carry our own cross one way or the other. Some have an easier one some have a fucking haveay one. Mine is middle...i think...Or maybe heavey. I lie to myself if i say is middle. Is fucking heavey. I feel i always have to fight destiny and that is a think not many people need to do. It's like swimming against the powerfull current of a river.
But i know i will always feel... Even if sometimes i say i want to have an ice-heart it's not that easy. Not when i see his blue eyes swiming in tears,not when i feel his hand around me, or his morning breathe moving easy my hair. No! I will not stop feeling the love i feel for him no matter what. Even if in this life i won't have anything else i know i will have him one way or the other.
And the fuckinh new technology,it better move faster cause it's not helping me feel him next to me, feel his sking all around me or his hot kisses on my lips. They better make some time machine,else... i don't know. Else i have to do my best to be next to him as fast as light goes in water.
And now i think that;s i'm back to that moment where i know i have to say good-bye to him. And i hate that feeing. is like i count the seconds till i won't be able to breathe anymore. Till i won't be free and happy and it's like i have a sentence in my head after a long trial.
I need to feel and i need to be next to him for as long as i was ment to live on this planet...
And i will feel him always close to me,kissing and hugging me, looking and me with the nicest eyes i have ever seen... that look i can't forget and i fall asleep with it in my mind.
I have to say bye-bye my love! again.... which i don't want to... i have to let his hand go which i don't want to... and there comes my question: why do i have to do things i don't like?
just to keep me busy?
no answer............


P.S. I will always feel you!!!

France vs. Romania

N-as fi crezut niciodata ca Romania poate fi atat de dulce. N-as fi crezut niciodata ca drumul spre casa mi se va parea atat de scurt chit ca el a fost facut intr-un jegos de autocar care abia mergea. Din pacate nu am venit cu o parere prea buna asupra Frantei. Ori ca am umblat de una singura si zau ca nu e usor sa fii frunza calatoare intr-o tara in care nu stii pe nimeni si nimeni nu te stie, ori ca asta e purul adevar. Francezul e rece. Si ma mai gandesc...poate am avut eu ghinion si am gasit numai fetze dintr-astea nobile de care nu m-am putut lipi deloc.
E si Romania asta asa cum e, insa nici acolo nu merg cainii cu covrigi in coada. Oamenii sunt pestriti. Francezul pur nu mai e cum era. Numai babele se mai inscriu in tipar. Zau! Cu babele m-am ingaduit mai bine decat cu cei tineri. Erau mereu dornice de o poveste sau de o simpla discutie despre criza economica.Nu mi s-a intamplat sa gasesc vreo baba in vreo statie de autobuz si sa nu imi zambeasca spunanadu-mi pe un ton dulce "Bonjour!" Si raspundeam la fel,zambind si bucuroasa fiindca mai sunt si oameni simpatici in jurul meu. Si din virtutea inertiei incepeam cate o discutie care dura pana la statia la care eu sau baba coboram.
Cate in luna si in stele...Franta,Sarcozi,economia,caldura, unde opreste autobuzul, duminica trecuta nu a fost piata.draga mea ai vazut ca astia au demontat caruselul din centru, unde cobori? Toate astea erau pe meniul de discutii. Si imi facea placere. Babele francezilor nu sunt ca cele de la noi,obosite si rupte de munca, venite de la tara la oras,nu sunt rele si nici umblatoare si urat mirositoare. Sunt curate, au placerea de a-si mentine coafura cat mai frumos, isi vopsesc parul si poarta culori vii,pantaloni 3/4,fuste din matase si pantofi usori incat sa poata face o plimbare destul de lunga pe Rue de la Republique.
De multe ori imi venea sa le insotesc. Insa imi aduceam repede aminte scopul cu care am ajuns eu in Lyon si stiam ca desi afara e soare si placut eu trebuie sa intru la cursuri. Si le lasam singure fie in tramvai fie in metrou insa gandul meu ramanea la ele.
N-as fi crezut niciodata ca oamenii batrani pot fi si simpatici. In centru,in Bellcour, duminica erau mereu spectacole de strada si ma mai duceam sa vad o fanfara nebuna,sau un comediant care aduna banii in palarie. Sambata si duminica orasul era viu. Mult prea viu. Studentii aveau si ei liber si misunau pe toate strazile. Orasul ala imi arata mereu cate o strada noua. de fiecare data cand ma duceam in partea veche de atatea ori descopeream inca ceva ce data anterioara nu am vazut. Si cum toate drumurile duc la Roma,in Lyon toate strazile duc pe malurile Rhonului si ale Saonului,cele doua rauri care strabat orasul. Daca nu esti pe un mal esti pe celalalt,si mereu stiai ca centrul e pe Saon.
Imi placea sa ma duc pe scarile de piatra construite pe malul Rhonului si sa invat sau sa ascult muzica pur si simplu. Vantul care venea de pe apa te facea sa simti racoare,desi soarele incepuse sa arda prin aprilie. Era destula galagie acolo,fiind unul din locurile preferate de studenti,insa cu o pereche de casti faceai fata. Acolo am citit toata Constitutia Frantei in timpul unei greve generale cu peste 45.000 de participanti. In tara asta daca oamenii nu au chef de munca intr-o zi fac o greva. Universitatea la care ma duceam eu era linistita. Numai o singura data au facut greva insa la altele studentii stateau numai pe la usi. Sistem aiurea...Te duci cu bursa sa inveti ceva si te trezesti ca nu ai unde sa inveti ca universitatea partenera e mai mereu in greva.
Ca sa revin la oras si civilizatie, se diferentia cu mult de ceea ce e la noi. Insa sincer,tot gaseai rahat de caine pe strada, cersetori care prindeau radacini in cate o statie de tramvai, si NU! Nu erau numai romani...erau de toate nemurile: turci, arabi, iugoslavi, sarbi, tigani de la noi trebuie sa recunosc... Insa contrar asteptarilor nu predominau.
Cel mai curat era pe centru,in rest in cartiere nu era lux. Sunt si acolo strazi murdare,pungi cu gunoaie la fiecare colt de strada,masini parasite si jegoase, pisici comunitare si sticle sparte.
Per total orasul e ok.Mai ales partea veche a lui,cu genul ala de strazi inguste,pavate cu piatra si cu multe case inghesuite una in alta. Asta imi placea,sa ma duc si sa ma plimb in Vieux Lyon fara sa ma gandesc la nimic rau. Imi placea sa explorez strazile si sa intru in magazine mici cu miros specific de vechi. Aveam magazinul meu preferat de unde luam dulciuri. Un fel de prajitura de foietaj facuta cu jeleu de mure si zahar pudra. Nu am reusit sa deslusesc secretul jeleului insa imi placea gustul. Ti se topea in gura si simteai ca si aerul din jurul tau miroase a mure.
Un alt loc in care imi placea sa intru era un magazin de tapiterii vechi. Parca ma intorceam inapoi in timp. Un miros nu urat ci dulceag iesea din tesaturi si invaluia tot magazinul. Singurul lucru care te aducea cu picioarele pe pamant era aparatul de plati cu cardul. Tehnologia lovise pana si o tapiterie veche.
Si totusi in Vieux Lyon simteai cum se schimba timpurile. In jurul catedralei St Joust se adunau multi punk-eri si din generatia emo. Erau mai peste tot si magazinele cu manga invadasera orice strada. In nicio tara nu am vazut atatea ca aici.
Fntana din fata catedralei,odinioara fiind centrul pietei, era acum inconjurata de motociclete si scutere de toate neamurile. Geamurile si vitrinele magazinelor,nu mai erau din lemn si sticla ci fusesera inlocuite cu termopane. Ce-a ramas la fel sunt de fapt cladirile de deasupra magazinelor. Inalta si inguste,adaposteau mii de suflete care traiau in istorie.
In unele ganguri vedeai pusa o sageata. Daca o urmai ajungeai intr-o curte interioara rotunda,iar deasupra capului tau balcoane mici si pline de flori inca mai aveau balustrade din fier forjat vopsite in negru. Sub cladiri pivnite si tuneluri care comunicau intre ele. Niciodata nu stiai unde te duc sau daca duc undeva. Insa tot simtei ca e un mister acolo si in mintea ta incepeau sa ruleze idei sub genul filmelor de epoca pe care le vezi la televizor.
Muzeul miniaturilor era iarasi un loc unde ma duceam cu placere. Miniaturi cu decoruri din filmele vechi. Daca acum decorul e in marime naturala,in trecut nu isi permiteau sa contruiasca asa ceva, si deci decorurile erau mici mici de tot... Blogul meu are in coltul stanga sus o poza cu un magazin gen supermarket. Nu este un supermarket adevarat ci o miniatura.Nimi nu era real si tot decorul nu ocupa mai mult decat spatiul unei cutii de pantofi.
Nu cred ca imi ajunge o pagina de blog sa spun tot ce mi-a placut. Si nici nu vreau sa dezvalui tot din prima. Deocamdata ma opresc la muzeul de miniaturi.

time for stories...

I had to do this...I had to discover this city with my own eyes. And i did that. from the very first days i arrived. Everything was new for me. A new world with people looking at me and reading on my face that i'm not from here. Maybe i have an invisible stamp on my face that says: "Made in Romania" or in other country but not this one. i'm out of the normal for them. I don't really care about this. Usually everywhere i go i'm out of normal. Except a few places on this world.
And still the city was nice. I arrived on 1st February, after a long exhausting trip for 36 hours with a bus. Too bad my country is that far,and still i wanted to come here. Was night and the "City of Lights" as it's named, really impressed me. There was light everywhere. On the streets,on the bridges that cross over Saon or Rhone, in houses,on important buildings and different modern constructions. They all made the city look like it's day and not night. I went off in the station and i knew no one. I woke up in the middle of a large town i knew almost nothing about, with the first purpose to get to my home. My new home for 5 months. Without my family or my beloved one, without anyone. I knew just a few of my kind, but they acted like part of my kind and they didn't care. They arrived two.I arrived just one and no one to help. Somehow i found my way to my new home. And when i got there i was surprised to see a high hill in front of my eyes. One that i had to climb to get to the accommodation point.
I thought that i should be able to do so. I was full of heavy luggage, and my body felt like powerless. I had the feeling i just escaped the worst fight ever,one where everyone hit me as hard as they could. My hands were shaking,my back was in a huge pain and my feet...I could barely move them. In this condition i arrived at the accommodation point. And i hoped someone will be there to help me. But that was not my lucky day. All i found was a small girl,very kind but unable to carry not even my food back bag. She looked like she was almost dead. No color on her face and lips,and very skinny. But i didn't care. All i remember now is her amazed face when i told her that i threw my luggage outside on a bank,just because i couldn't handle anymore.
I have to admit that on my way to my 3rd floor in building G i asked a boy to help me. He was kind enough so i arrived in front of my room. There all i wished for was a shower. One that would make my body feel better. But my day was getting worse. I soon found out that internet was not available for me for the next 10 days.Their own politics. Stupid mentality which i'm not going to describe now. I was stuck in my room. And the things were not getting better.
In the next day i woke up paralyzed. I could barely feel my arms,my feet, and my back felt like cracked in two. My nose was all running and my head was hurting me. I wanted to make a tea but i didn't know how the cooking machine worked. And i soon found out that it had almost no power at all. I decided to go on the pills i had from home. But i could barely feel something. I was a walking zombie with no one to help me. Because i didn't have internet my communication with my parents was limited the same for my beloved one.
I was really out of things to do. The first week all passed like that. Doing nothing but feeling pain and not only physically but also mentally... i wanted to talk to someone. To tell someone i feel bad. I was calling my mom once a day just to make her cry and worry about my condition.Same i did with my love. He was comforting me as good as he could...
Finally inthe second week the pain got weaker and weaker and i could go out. I went to discover the city i arrived in. In the first week i didn't have the guts to go on small old streets by myself. So all i did was to walk on main roads i learned by using tram and bus. Everything was getting nice. Soon i also got to classes. And i was really happy to talk to someone even if it was just the teacher. I really discovered that i can easily get homesick if there is no one for me to talk with. But in a few weeks after i arrived here my love came to visit me. And that made my mind and heart feel much better. He was here for just a few days,but he really healed my soul wounds. With him i discovered that this city of Lyon is really beautiful. I could finally see the cathedral of Fourviere,the Old Lyon, with his small streets all crowded with all kind of small shops, we took a nice walk next to the Rhon and we had the best time we could.
This city was getting more and more interesting for me. After he left i went on my own to see things. To discover the small streets in their most detailed corner and smell. I took pictures and i enjoyed it. Every small street i saw was taking me back in time. Old buildings smell everywhere,but not a bad one,more like a sweet one. It's everywhere in Old Lyon. You just have to let your mind find it. People, the original french ones,you can easily recognize... they all have the small face with specific ears and eyes. You feel like they see through you. Some of them rude. And if you talk English you can hear very fast someone saying:"Merde! Les Americains sont partout!" That was not a nice thing by the way...
But if you speak decent french and you ask their help you would be surprised of their kindness. I was surprised and not just once. And i learned that asking is not that hard. It's only natural not to know new places. But you loose nothing if you ask. And this made my life easier here. I learned to appreciate a nice person and to ask if i needed any help.
The center of the city,Bellcour, i think it's nothing compared to Old Lyon. For the simple reason that is very crowded. Only expensive and fancy stores and nothing really really nice to see. It's true that the buildings are also old,but the commercial area is taking away their beauty. The building of the Opera is a nice modern construction and also the Room of Commerce and Industry. those two i really liked...
In this city the Chinese people get to be more and more. Sometimes in the bus i see like half of the people all from Asia. And i wonder:"Am i in France? Or in China?" But this happens when the circulation is so opened these days. The globalization effect is really visible. As my mom says:"The Chinese people don't need to start a war. They just have to start walking to Europe,and they will conquer us anyway!" And i start to think she is right.
Arabians are also everywhere. You can hear in some places more Arabian than french. The spot where i change tram with sub you can see all kinds of people.They say that is the worst area of the city...and i think it's true. But i try to ignore everyone and i just mind my own business.
But all this story will have an end in less than 2 months,when i will get back home where i so want to be. In this moment there are 2 places in this world i want to be: my room,relaxing on my bed or with my love relaxing under the shower. And i'm sure that later,in my life the Lyon experience will be just another page in my journal. Another story to tell, a story that made me more mature and more responsible, that teaches me how hard is to take care of yourself and how your sickness to see your family can take over your entire mind...And the time for stories is not ending...there will be more...






Dedicated to my love :)
thank you for taking care of me. Da i ski! Zutto!

noaptea mea de filme...(partea II)

Al doilea film a fost tot inspirat din fapte reale...The Express...Un film despre o poveste de viata din anii '40.Un baiat pe nume Ernie Davis,viata lui si lupta cu cei din jur. O adevarata lectie de viata,curaj si capacitatea de a nu renunta orice ar fi. nascut intr-o familie de negri,crescut de bunicii care nu aveau posibilitati deosebite,Ernie si fratele lui mai mare sunt nevoiti sa culeaga sticle goale de pe sinele trenului. Insa nu erau singurii care faceau asta, iar ghinionul le-a scos in cale o banda de alti copii insa albi. Fratele lui Ernie se sperie si fuge,insa acesta ramane sa- infrunte singur pe baietii albi. Cand se vede atacat o rupe de fuga spre casa si pe drum isi da seama ca asta ii place sa faca cel mai mult. Sa alerge si sa sara peste obstacole... Cand mama lui ii propune sa se mute intr-un alt oras,singura sa bucurie este sa descopere la scoala la care se muta,un teren destul de mare de fotbal american. Acolo este descoperit de un mare antrenor al echipei The Scouts care il racoleaza si face din el un mare sportiv. Ernie impreuna cu echipa reuseste sa aduca The Scouts in fruntea campionatului National si sa infranga puternica echipa a Texasului. Insa poveste nu se termina chiar atat de frumos,pentru ca Ernie descopera la varsta de 21 de ani o leucemie rapida,care il impiedica sa mai joace. Reuseste insa sa gaseasca in cadrul echipei un jucator mai bun chiar decat fusese el,un tanar tot negru si cu dorinta de a se afirma. Moare la varsta de 23 de ani,iar numarul lui 44 a fost scos de pe tricourile echipei de atunci. Inca o poveste de viata care merita vazuta si din care se pot invata multe...

noaptea mea de filme...(partea I)

N-am avut somn...si ca atare m-a pus naiba sa ma uit la niste filme...Ce sa zic,am gasit doua care chiar mi-au placut(si nu ma intereseaza opiniile contra). Mi-au placut pentru ca-s inspirate din fapre reale,nu sunt aiureli si tampenii care n-au avut,nu au si nici nu vor avea vreodata loc...
Primul "Seabiscuit"(Cursa secolului-trad.rom.) in rolul principal Tobey Maguire. Filmul trateaza 4 vieti separate pe care viata le uneste la un moment dat. Regasim America anilor '30 in plina criza economica. Red Pollard (Tobey) face parte dintr-o familie destul de instarita,dar care in mijlocul crizei nu mai face fata. Una din pasiunile lui era calaria si nu orice fel,ci pe cai de curse. Desi era destul de inalt pentru un jocheu,greutatea nu-i facea probleme,astfel incat tatal lui se decide cu greu sa-l dea spre adoptie unui proprietar de cai mai instarit. De aici viata lui red se complica el ajungand sa joace box pentru a mai castiga un ban in plus.
Al doilea personaj care intra in discutie este un imblanzitor de cai pe nume Tom Smith(Chris Cooper),care ducea o viata destul de simpla,cutreierand campiile americii in cautarea murgului perfect.
Al treilea personaj, este milionarul Charles Howard (Jeff Bridges) care dupa moartea stupida a fiului sau se desparte de sotie si se recasatoreste cu Marcela (Elizabeth Banks) si decide sa investeasca in cursele cu cai.
Al patrulea personaj intra in scena tocmai cand cei trei de mai sus se intalnesc la un targ unde se vindeau cai de cursa. Seabiscuit era un cal mic,avand un defect la un picior,destul de indesat si antrenat sa piarda in curse. Era folosit drept momeala pentru alti cai si era obligat sa piarda. Cand nu a mai fost bun de asa ceva l-au legat cu lanturi si l-au folosit sa macine grau si porumb. Pus sa mearga in cerc si cate 12 ore pe zi,Seabiscuit uitase efectiv ca mai este cal.
Tom Smith insa vede ceva in ochii calului si il sfatuieste pe milionar sa-l cumpere. Tot la targ il gaseste si pe Red si de aici destinele celor 4 se unesc.
Povestea este reala. In film apar chiar si comparatii facute cu ceea ce se intampla in istoria Americii acelor vremuri. Micul calut ajunge imaginea cea mai cunoscuta si mii de oameni veneau sa-l vada in cursa. O adevarata lectie de viata filmul m-a tinut cu sufletul la gura pe toata durata lui...Si acesta a fost doar primul film din noaptea mea de nesomn...

Separate again...

We had to say goodbye today again... My heart and my mind are empty. I can't concentrate on anything and all i do is to remember our time together. How many times in this life we'll have to say goodbye like today? I have no idea.All i know is that i miss him. I miss his hugs and kisses,the smell of his skin and the taste of his lips. I feel somehow incomplete. Even the radio is against me playing some stupid song that matches me perfectly.
I am supposed to get ready for France. How can i do that when all i think about is him? He's on the way home,trying to sleep a bit in an unconfortable bus. A long way to his home where he will feel like i do. An empty shell ready to give it's life just to see the other again. I saw the bus leaving today,i saw his eyes full of tears, saying "Come with me!" i wish i could do that. I wish i could stop the bus from taking the one one i love. But i can't. I'm powerless against life and things we both have to do. His exam,my scholarship, his new job,my second university. And still we have plans and dreams together. We plan to visit eachother as fast as possible. We plan to have a great summer together with lots of fun. I hope we can make all our dreams true.
God when love finds you,it's impossible to get away. I'm still wondering what he did to me. How can i love someone like this? Me? I always said i can survive without a boyfriend. The same me that 6 months ago saw life only in black and white,living in a world divided in 2: me and the rest. Now i have colors around me. I can see love and i found him.
All i know is that life isn't perfect. If he was close to me,maybe our famillies wouldn't agree with us,maybe we would have different problems and we couldn't be happy. Now,we have all: everyone is happy for us,we are happy,we believe we match damn good,but the distance is ruining everything. Our precious little world is ruined when we have to say goodbye. I hate to do that. Separate again...